I’ve been active on the Internet since the beginning. Over the years I’ve seen just about every joke, story, sound effect, and humorous anecdote that’s circulated. 99% of which was utter crap. But there have been a few things that stand out and have passed the test of time. I’m trying to build an archive of them here. These are the things I still share with people years after I first heard them or things that my friends and I still say to each other.

Note that I don’t censor these at all, so these may not be suitable for playing in your cubicle with the volume cranked up.

Sounds

Demands by Scottish comedian Billy Connolly. Originally part of a routine about the demands of the “women’s’ movement,” this works so well in any business environment where customers, employees, or managers make unreasonable demands. I’ve sent this to a lot of people who deserved it.

The Yamaha Tri-Moto: it’s not a f’n tractor! Years ago (in the late 80s I think), motorcycle companies introduced 3-wheeled ATVs to America. Within a couple of years, drunk rednecks were killing and paralyzing themselves left and right by flipping these inherently unstable vehicles all over the place. One example was the Yamaha Tri-moto (here’s an ad from 1984). Someone made a great fake commercial for the Tri-Moto. Not exactly sure of the original source — it mentions some place called Early’s Cycle Center and a place called Harrisonburg. Turns out there is an Early’s Cycle Center still in business in Harrisonburg, VA, so I think we can assume it was made around there, probably by a local radio station. But if Early’s made it themselves, well, it’s no wonder they’re still in business.

Bambulance: who gets the deer? This is a true classic. A 9-1-1 call about a redneck driver who hits a deer puts the supposedly dead animal in his car and then has it come back to life. It’s been around so long that even Snopes.com has documented it. Apparently originating in the 1970s, the story was even used as a fake 9-1-1 call to a real call center to train a new operator. Anyway — after hearing it close to 10 years ago, my friends and I still ask if we need a bambulance whenever someone gets hurt.

Video

Jules Winnfield – Hockey Coach: A few years ago ESPN put together this short movie and played it between periods of the NHL All-Star game. Totally awesome. Gave rise to the new move: the Inglewood Jack. One: drop the gloves. Two: catch the jersey. Three: over the head. Then — the Inglewood Jack! Be a bad motherf’r! (If you’ve never seen Pulp Fiction this probably doesn’t make much sense.)